Counting
by CrowNoYami
Summary: It had been so long since the last time he had seen him... since he felt his own soul leave his body, perhaps now he could find some rest. Derek/?  was written with Spencer in mind


**Counting**

It had been three years, two months and twelve days since he had last heard from him. 1168 days since he had last been able to see his face, 28 032 hours since had last been able to hold his hand. That was 1 681 920 minutes since his heart break, since his soul left his body and joined those of the dead. He was sure that by now he would have been killed, either by his own will or that of nature but he was still able to breathe, still able to walk it was only his heart that was dead.

Looking at his watch he sighed 1 681 921 minutes he then corrected himself, and he didn't know how many more he would be able to continue for. It had been a normal morning, he could remember they had gotten up together after they had spent the night at his own house that night. There was a few lingering touches and some soft kisses until the alarm went off and they had to get up for work for real.

His lover had suggested making breakfast and not one to give up a meal he had agreed and gone to take the first shower. Before he would have asked his lover to come in the shower with him but they both knew that if they did they would both miss breakfast and would almost be late for work or worse again.

In their line of work they both knew that everyone knew that they were together, that they were breaking the rules but there wasn't a soul that would ask them about it. He was sure that their boss would have done something if hey had changed at all, but they still gave it their all and nothing was compromised with their work, with their line of thought with anything at least not until after that day.

They had been called out to a crime scene, nothing unusual, he had gone out to the field while his lover was stuck back doing the paperwork. He was always glad when Aaron kept his lover back at the office, even though it wasn't the office they would all prefer back home it was a lot safer then on the field. It had seemed like every time that his lover went out to the field he was in some kind of trouble, some kind of danger and he appreciated the effort that the boss put into keeping him safe.

He didn't know if he ever told Aaron that… at the time he couldn't because he couldn't say anything about their relationship. Perhaps he would call him someday and tell him that he appreciated the effort, that he was thankful that he had such an understanding person looking out for his lover back when they were there. Now however he had somewhere to be and his cell phone was dead, he never had a reason to charge it only calls asking half questions, making him remember while they tried to make him forget.

With one step in front of the other he walked to where he wished to be, after all today was their anniversary well at least it would have been. Perhaps he had been too long getting a feel for the murder, maybe it had been his own fault for leaving his lover alone for so long in that office that the local police had provided for them. Whatever the reason he would never forgive himself for letting his lover be put in that kind of situation.

It had all happened so fast, he had heard that line a million times from victims, from the un-sub but he never really knew how fast it could go until he saw his heart break before him. He had returned to the office to see what the others had gathered from where they had been sent to get information when he saw it. There was his lover with a man pointing a gun at his face, at that moment he didn't know a lot of things.

He didn't know why there was nobody stopping the man, he didn't know how they could have missed that it was a cop, he didn't know how he could stop him, but most important he didn't know how he would live. When he was asked in court to describe what he felt, all he was able to say was the truth, he felt like he had died on that day and he still never woke up from his own personal hell.

Their relationship had been made common knowledge by the time that he had to testify and he was sure that it gave the team hell. As horrible as it was he didn't care that they all were under suspension for a week, or that they all had to be investigated all he care about was the look in his loves eyes before he had been killed but another one who swore to protect the peace.

The man had gone to jail for a good long time, thankfully they had been in Miami when it had happened, and the penalty was death. Almost to his destination, he wondered if his lover knew that he had been there when it happened, if he could ever forgive him for not moving fast enough, for not stopping what had happened. For months, he had been through therapy, the director had put him on leave both for his own good and because of his relationship with his lover.

Afterwards both Aaron and the director had tried to get him back on the team and for a while it had worked. He had buried his pain, his anguish and had focused on not letting anything like this happen to anyone else, but then there was the case that brought it all home. His last case had been about a hate crime, a young man the same height, the same build even the same hair color of his lover had been there… dead.

Surprisingly he had managed to keep it bottled up, until he found out that the killer had gone after him because he was a "pretty boy". The same nickname that he had given his lover was the reason why this young man had been killed, he lost it. Still he managed to keep his mind enough to keep it all together, but he still lost it the same way that Elle did. He killed him, shot the man although he wanted nothing more than to beat him to death it was too easily traceable.

The case ended, he claimed self defense and then he quit. He wasn't sure if he surprised anyone, sure he had been playing the part but he was sure that they all had known once they had saw the victim that he wouldn't have another case. Now he used his original means to get money, buying and renting out houses he always thought was a solid way to work. He still had his dog who slept on the couch from time to time, although lately he had been on the couch more then his fair share.

Arriving at his destination, Derek gave a small smile as he saw the stone before him. It would have been their fifth anniversary, he was sure that he would have taken his lover out somewhere fancy and they would have ended up making love all night. Instead here he was at the local cemetery starring down at his lovers name engraved in stone for all the world to see but for only the few to read.

Letting his tears fall as he always did when he arrived at this spot, Derek placed the roses he had bought on the gave before crying. For a hour he would kneel down, crying into his hands and wishing for nothing more than the man he was kneeling at to take him as well, to let him join his own heart. And as he cried there was a whisper in the wind, the voice of a young man inaudible for anyone on Earth to hear.

"It has been three years, two months and twelve days since you last heard me, 1168 days since he had last been able to see my face, 28 032 hours since he had last been able to hold my hand. That was 1 681 920 minutes since their heart break, since their souls left their bodies and joined those of the dead. I was sure that by now he would have been killed, either by his own will or that of nature but he was still able to breathe, still able to walk it was only their heart that was dead."


End file.
